Families of missing vets struggle for closure
By Chris Togneri
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
On a cold, rainy afternoon, Miriam Temchulla sat in her dimly lighted kitchen facing a stack of military documents and old photos of her brother, Raymond Feenstra.
Feenstra, an Army sergeant who went missing during the Korean War, is one of 88,000 American soldiers missing since World War II, including nearly 1,200 from Pennsylvania.
For 90 minutes, Temchulla, 76, of Center in Beaver County spoke in great detail about her tomato garden, the Italian restaurant soon to open down the road, her daughter's ranch in Oakdale, Calif. -- everything, it seemed, but her missing brother.
"I don't think we'll ever know, so it doesn't matter," Temchulla said. "You can't change things that happened, so why bother trying?"
Though Temchulla tries not to think about it, memories of her brother and the devastation her family felt when the Army said he was missing still haunt her.
"I can remember hearing my mother cry at night after we went to bed. That's something you don't forget."
But more than the memories, the lingering uncertainty is maddening, she said.
Did Feenstra die in a North Korean POW camp, as the Army believes? Or did he collapse on a march in subzero temperatures, as one soldier reported? Was he left on the side of a road somewhere, as Temchulla fears? Did he "go crazy" before he died, suffering from dysentery, as another witness claimed in a report?
Like the untold thousands of missing soldiers' relatives, Temchulla has no answers.
Unanswered questions
Because family members don't know what happened -- or even if a loved one is somehow still alive -- they often become prisoners of hope, said Roger Brooke, a professor of psychology at Duquesne University.
Similar to cases "when kidnapped children have disappeared and are never found again, we know that there is this awful hole which can never close in any way," Brooke said. "When you have a body to be buried, you have a question that has been answered, and you can deal with that.
"But if you never know for sure, that endless, agonizing hope against hope must make it almost impossible for life to go on."
Such hope is inescapable, Brooke said, because to give up is to face something far worse.
"The fear that the person might be alive, and then you give up hope, seems to them to be an awful abandonment," Brooke said. "Maybe he's out there hoping that you're still hoping."
Patricia Westhafer never stopped hoping.
But, like Temchulla, she never spoke of her brother, William Charles Bradley, an Army medic, who disappeared in Kun Ri, North Korea, on Dec. 1, 1950.
It was not until she was dying of cancer that Westhafer, then 72, finally opened up to her daughter on a January day last year in Mechanicsburg about a topic she spent decades avoiding.
"She was lying in bed," said Robin Piacine, 51. "She said 'I wish we would have had your uncle home with us again.' She really wanted to see that happen before she died."
Westhafer, who died in February 2006, is buried in a cemetery in Fort Indiantown Gap, next to her parents.
A plot of ground nearby is reserved for the day that her brother's remains are sent home.
"If only we had a grave to go to, where we could lay a wreath or a flower or plant an American flag," Piacine said. "If only there was a place like that, it would help so much with the grieving process.
"When you can't even do that, there's a part of the story that's never finished."
Surviving the pain
Families cope in different ways.
Many turn to prayer.
"Without our faith, we would have been lost," said Richard Fallon, 80, of Green Tree. His brother, Air Force Col. Patrick Fallon, was shot down over Laos on July 4, 1969, during the Vietnam War.
Col. Fallon, then 48, safely parachuted to the jungle floor. For several minutes, he radioed messages to fellow soldiers, but then said he'd been "zapped" by enemy fire.
Though he believes his brother is dead, Richard Fallon cannot stop wondering.
"It's a dim light, but it's still there," he said. "I love my brother. He was my best man. He loaned me the money to buy an engagement ring."
The search goes on
Government officials vow to continue searching for missing soldiers.
Investigators from the Pentagon's POW/MIA office search around the clock and the globe for the remains of missing soldiers, office spokesman Larry Greer said.
"It's important to keep the promise, spoken or unspoken, that was made when these people went to war," said Greer, a retired Air Force colonel. "It's also important to keep the promise to the families that their government will do everything possible to bring them home."
About 100 soldiers' remains are identified overseas and returned home every year, Greer said.
In September, the remains of Army pilot and First Lt. James W. Blose were returned to family in Hermitage. He had been missing since 1941.
Last month, Army Sgt. Robert J. Flood's remains were brought back to his family in Juniata County. Flood was missing for more than 60 years after disappearing during World War II. His remains were unearthed in Germany.
Flood's niece, Connie Strawser, 52, of McAllisterville, never met her uncle. But she lived with the sadness that affected her father, Richard Flood, and other family members.
"My father did not speak of this. His sisters did not speak of it. When they did, they would just cry," Strawser said. "They did not know where the body was. A lot of people know where their families are, but to not know ... All we were ever told was he was shot down over Germany."
When military officials called Strawser in 2003 and said they believed they had found Flood's remains, the family thought it was a sick joke.
"My older sister called (the Pentagon) to verify it, and they said it was no hoax," Strawser said. "They said the remains were being brought back to Hawaii and all the testing would be done there."
This spring, the military called again. They positively identified the unearthed skeletal remains of one of Flood's arms. They also found his dog tags, Strawser said.
The family waited until Father's Day to tell Richard Flood.
They gathered in a room and told him that his brother -- missing since 1944 -- was coming home.
Richard Flood listened in silence, and finally said, "Well, it's about time."
The funeral was Oct. 6. Sgt. Robert J. Flood was put to rest in an open casket.
"We put a picture of him and an old hat inside," Strawser said. "Dad just went up and patted that hat. After the service was over, Dad said, 'Finally, we know.' "
Now, Richard Flood is beginning to share stories with his family about his brother.
"My father is very, very private about this -- it was too painful an ordeal to speak of," Strawser said. "We're only now finding out bits and pieces of what he was like as a boy. We don't want to push Dad too far with questions, but it was just very important to get him back. It meant an awful lot.
"The government has not forgotten. They are still trying to find what they can."
'You sort of give up'
Not everyone believes.
"As time goes on, you change," said Temchulla. "You sort of give up."
She spends her days fending off painful memories and steering conversations away from Raymond Feenstra.
"Can you imagine?" Temchulla said suddenly. "It was North Korea, it was cold, it was in the wintertime ... and then to just leave him there where he fell.
"And now all these years later, is someone going to say, here comes Ray back home? No. It doesn't make sense. After all these years, I really don't see how anyone could have hope."
Temchulla stopped talking. She stared down at her kitchen tablecloth for several seconds, and then she looked up and stared out a kitchen window.
"You know," she said quietly, "we either get too much rain, or not enough."
FINALLY HOME
The Pentagon's MIA/POW office identifies and returns the remains of about 100 missing soldiers every year. Three Pennsylvania soldiers' remains have been returned since September:
1st Lt. James W. Blose
Hometown: Sharpsville, Mercer County
Date missing: April 22, 1942
Circumstances: The Army pilot was last seen taking off in his Airacobra P-39D from Viti Levu Island in Fiji. The plane apparently crashed in bad weather into the thick island jungle.
Recovered: A resident of Fiji found Blose's airplane wreckage in 2004 on Viti Levu Island. Officials investigated the crash site in 2005; they returned in 2006 to excavate. Blose was buried Sept. 29 in a Sharon cemetery.
Army Staff Sgt. Robert J. Flood
Hometown: Neelyton, Huntingdon County
Date missing: July 7, 1944
Circumstances: Flood was on a B-24J Liberator that departed North Pickenham, England, on a mission to bomb a German aircraft factory. Military records show the plane crashed on German soil.
Recovered: In 2001, a group of German citizens found the site and uncovered human remains and dog tags. In 2003, Pentagon researchers excavated the crash site and recovered additional remains, identification tags and non-biological material evidence. Flood was buried Oct. 6 in Juniata County.
Army Cpl. Samuel Wirrick
Hometown: Lancaster, Lancaster County
Date missing: Nov. 27, 1950
Circumstances: Wirrick's regiment in North Korea came under heavy attack by Chinese forces, forcing his battalion to withdraw. Wirrick was reported missing during the withdrawal.
Recovered: In 2000, a joint U.S.-North Korean team excavated a mass burial site containing remains of soldiers who died near Kujang, North Korea. They found human remains, Wirrick's dog tags and other material evidence. Wirrick was buried Oct. 23 in Arlington National Cemetery.
Chris Togneri/Tribune-Review
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